The year is about to end in 4 days. This time last year I was still at the worst phase of my entire life, a soulless person trying to escape her darkness by traveling with her uncle's family to Tokyo. After a few weeks of desolation and without any written resolutions, I started coming back to life. I lost myself after series of terrible situations that made me lose all my self worth, almost to the point of self harm. It was the year that I began to take little steps of improvement that I wasn't exactly aware of. Maybe it was because I have more time to focus on myself so I did. Starting from physical appearances to health to interpersonal skills, I did it all. 2018 was the year that I began a solid skincare routine, subscribed to a fitness program and started working out, started being health conscious and watching what I feed my body, started cooking my own food and tried out a lot of recipes, started being closer to my mum and sister, traveled to Indonesia with them, started learning a third language, started watercoloring and cleaning and tidying, managed to pass all my units for the year after lots of 'N' on my script, started saving money, started making friends in uni, reached out (first) to old friends to reconnect and started being more social... oh well, the list goes on and on.

All without the help of anti-depressants.

At some point of my life, I thought I was one of those who had to rely on pills to be happy. Of course, there's nothing wrong with taking medications if you're sick, but I always wanted to prove myself that I could do this on my own. I wanted to create my own healthy coping mechanisms. Despite being hinted many times by my counsellor to have my blood checked, I opted for the natural remedies. Yes, they worked slowly but wonderfully although I do have a period of relapse somewhere in May and then a smaller episode of relapse towards the end of second semester, but I made it through. I really made it through. Who says progress has to be linear?

Of course, I have yet to figure out where I'm going with my life. Actually, I have a lot to figure out. As a means of trying to find a direction in life, I've chopped a lot of my hair (although that has nothing to do with life lol) and started to save money a little more seriously. I've also invested in a pretty expensive bullet journal (sis is a cheapskate) that I plan to really put myself into, making it my side-kick as I go through another year trying to better myself. Putting my deen as my priority, I hope Allah will direct me to Him and ease me to learn more about Islam and practice it. I've made a few changes in terms of my religious routine so hopefully that goes well into the new year.

2018 has witnessed my recovery, so I hope to be presenting my exponent growth to 2019.