At the end of week 8 of a busy semester, I decided to skip Friday's one-hour lecture and drive myself to Cherating where I'd meet my family for a micro holiday weekend. I couldn't remember the last time we came here; we used to come every year for a short getaway with our family. It was the perfect place to celebrate my turning 24; the place that felt like home. Despite having to steal time to finish a group assignment, I'd say I had a pretty good time chilling. It wasn't really convenient to have to work while you're on holiday, I only managed to get just a little bit done for the assignment, but the beach was relaxing enough to keep the stress at bay. Look at the spot where I managed to read 1 paragraph about my assignment before it started getting too warm and I had to head back to our air-conditioned room. What a spoiled brat, I know.
We booked two rooms which are a part of a villa at The Legend Resort, Cherating - spacious rooms with double beds and sofa beds to accommodate guests, plus amazing view of the beach. I don't know how much they were per night, but you can always google them to check them out.
Asked my cousin to take this photo of me. I was legit doing my work after taking pictures, I promise. As you can guess, it was very relaxing. Most of the time we were either taking pictures or swimming. Talk about swimming, I finally know how to swim! At 24! I was doing my work while my family was swimming in the pool. 15 minutes later I turned off my laptop and joined them, decided that I had to learn how to swim as a gift to myself. And I did! It definitely took a few amount of pool water through my nose and mouth but it was all worth it!
As I was getting my family to teach me swimming, I was thinking back on how I became so scared of the water. I used to drown myself in a swimming pool when I was a kid. I only remembered waving my arms and legs helplessly as I tried to float back on surface but to no avail. A relative saved me after a few seconds which felt like a solid 10 minutes, but that event scarred me for life. It felt like a total failure for me. Since then, I never really liked being in the water. I feared the feeling of being incapable in the water. I feared looking stupid while I fail again and again to become good. It took me almost twenty years later to finally have the courage to learn to swim again, starting from the trip to Perhentian Island with my friends. Since then, I've been more motivated to equip myself with new skills, which include painting/making art and learning new languages, where I focus on French.
I'm so glad I took the chance. It makes me realise that the only person who can help you is you. The only person who will help you grow is you. The only person who will be patient with every step of your growth is you. If you were not courageous enough to do it, no 100 other people can make you. As I learn this, I've also realised that working on my fear is a progress. A progress that may take twenty thirty years. A progress that may not be linear. And that is totally okay, because a progress is still a progress, no matter how small :)
Which makes me think about my undergraduate journey. It has been 5 long years, and only 1 more before I graduate. I was thinking about how I might not be able to fix my WAM to average, and how it seemed impossible for me to do an exchange semester abroad. I knew I was getting myself back on track, but it wasn't as fast as I wished it to be. It's taking a whole lot of patience and kindness to tell myself "It's okay if it doesn't work out, at least you're improving." because my inner critic will always be there to tell me "So much regret. I wish you were serious from the start. I wish you didn't make mistakes." but I'm okay. I'm not as opposed to failure as I was before. I'm okay. I don't have to be excellent overnight.
I'm a work in progress.
I'm okay.
We booked two rooms which are a part of a villa at The Legend Resort, Cherating - spacious rooms with double beds and sofa beds to accommodate guests, plus amazing view of the beach. I don't know how much they were per night, but you can always google them to check them out.
Asked my cousin to take this photo of me. I was legit doing my work after taking pictures, I promise. As you can guess, it was very relaxing. Most of the time we were either taking pictures or swimming. Talk about swimming, I finally know how to swim! At 24! I was doing my work while my family was swimming in the pool. 15 minutes later I turned off my laptop and joined them, decided that I had to learn how to swim as a gift to myself. And I did! It definitely took a few amount of pool water through my nose and mouth but it was all worth it!
As I was getting my family to teach me swimming, I was thinking back on how I became so scared of the water. I used to drown myself in a swimming pool when I was a kid. I only remembered waving my arms and legs helplessly as I tried to float back on surface but to no avail. A relative saved me after a few seconds which felt like a solid 10 minutes, but that event scarred me for life. It felt like a total failure for me. Since then, I never really liked being in the water. I feared the feeling of being incapable in the water. I feared looking stupid while I fail again and again to become good. It took me almost twenty years later to finally have the courage to learn to swim again, starting from the trip to Perhentian Island with my friends. Since then, I've been more motivated to equip myself with new skills, which include painting/making art and learning new languages, where I focus on French.
I'm so glad I took the chance. It makes me realise that the only person who can help you is you. The only person who will help you grow is you. The only person who will be patient with every step of your growth is you. If you were not courageous enough to do it, no 100 other people can make you. As I learn this, I've also realised that working on my fear is a progress. A progress that may take twenty thirty years. A progress that may not be linear. And that is totally okay, because a progress is still a progress, no matter how small :)
Which makes me think about my undergraduate journey. It has been 5 long years, and only 1 more before I graduate. I was thinking about how I might not be able to fix my WAM to average, and how it seemed impossible for me to do an exchange semester abroad. I knew I was getting myself back on track, but it wasn't as fast as I wished it to be. It's taking a whole lot of patience and kindness to tell myself "It's okay if it doesn't work out, at least you're improving." because my inner critic will always be there to tell me "So much regret. I wish you were serious from the start. I wish you didn't make mistakes." but I'm okay. I'm not as opposed to failure as I was before. I'm okay. I don't have to be excellent overnight.
I'm a work in progress.
I'm okay.
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