I haven't moved from this seat at the library since seven hours ago. This morning was bright and clear, but right now it's dark and raining pretty heavily, a lightning just struck and I'm putting my Depressed playlist on shuffle that lasted a couple hours, then I started changing songs every now and then because I'm not sure of how to feel anymore. There's that, I'm always unsure. Of everything. Right now, I think I'm going back to that pattern where I would do absolutely nothing, put off all the things that I need to do and tell myself a bunch of lies to ignore the truth. How do I focus on these important things when my mind darts on its own to a place I never knew?

Inferiority complex.

Will I soon lose the battle within myself?

How can you see the enemy

When you're looking at yourself?

Instead of working out my weaknesses I'm actually highlighting them more and more. 

Allah is offering me His heaven, and I'm right here reluctant to go for it? I don't understand myself.